Although legally, our wedding was a ‘civil partnership’, this had no effect on our day, and we would never need another ceremony just to get another certificate that says ‘marriage’ instead of ‘civil partnership’. We worked with our registrar carefully, selecting readings that our friends would read, as well as our friends giving readings, and the words used by the registrar in the ceremony were beautiful and emotional, whilst recognising the formality of the ceremony without being stuffy or full of legalities - not only were us and our families and friends in tears, but even our photographer and registrar cried. Our day was our wedding day, and we are certain our guests would all agree, many commented it was the best wedding they had ever seen!
Our ceremony was completely traditional - we both wore big white wedding dresses, and didn’t see each other’s dress until we met at the aisle. We didn’t see each other the night before until we walked down the aisle after our bridesmaids, with L and her dad going first, then waiting for me as my dad walked me down the aisle. We wrote our own vows, exchanged rings, had readings by our close friends, and our mums signed the register with us. We had a traditional wedding breakfast (not actually breakfast, but so called as it is the first meal you have as a married couple), speeches, cake cutting, and first dance.
We did have a couple of quirks - L wore white Converse that she had customised herself instead of heels, and we had a Beatles tribute band in the evening as we listened to the Beatles 1 album during our engagement weekend! We made a lot of details of the wedding ourselves - Order Of The Days, confetti, tables names, place names, favours, invitations, and so many people commented on how personal our wedding was!
My new wife and I experienced many reactions throughout our planning process - these would usually fall into one of three categories - complete indifference, blatant disapproval, or the most common, polite (albeit thinly veiled) surprise. Our venue had worked with gay couples before, and were completely accepting, unlike others. Likewise our photographer had worked with many gay couples and was completely comfortable with us. We did come across suppliers who disapproved, and even one who cancelled once realizing we were a lesbian couple, but our advice is – there’s a lot of wedding suppliers out there, none of whom are cheap - if someone doesn't want your money because you’re gay, take it elsewhere! We wanted Tiffany wedding rings, the princess experience of choosing a wedding dress, and I wanted sparkly designer heels, as well as suppliers such as florists and photographers to treat us no differently than they would a straight couple. It may take a little extra work to find the right supplier, but it’s worth it. We also looked into our honeymoon destination carefully, eventually choosing Mexico as it has a representation for being gay friendly - we were given a honeymoon package the same as any other couple, and treated no differently to the heterosexual honeymooning couples.
Whatever you dream your wedding to be, it’s completely achievable - the fact you are a gay couple changes nothing.
We also had readers expressing worry about how their parents or family would deal with the fact they were marrying a same sex partner. We did have a couple of aunts and uncles decline our invitation due to disagreeing with gay marriage, but in our opinion, this just means that you can be sure all your guests who do accept, want to be there, and are supportive of you. We think our parents and families have been so accepting as we have never made a big deal out of our sexuality or relationship. L came out to her parents as a young teenager, and I never really came out. I had my first relationship aged 17 and never hid the fact that it was with another girl. In our experience of seeing friend’s parents reaction to them coming out, even if they disapprove at first, once they realise that you are still the same person, and that they could potentially miss out on significant moments in your life by not accepting your partner, it usually changes a lot.
We want to promise every femme reading this that the life you’ve always dreamed of is completely within reach - as a teenager who struggled with being a lesbian and also with being femme, I never dreamed that a day as magical as my wedding day was would ever be possible, or that I would find someone as perfect for me as my wife is. We are now enjoying a year as Mrs and Mrs, before we begin the journey to add a little one to our family!"
Our next blog post features more photos from our special day!