So all this decided, we recently attended our first IVF (In Vitro Fertilisation, literally meaning 'fertilisation in glass’) appointment, assigned to us after being referred for fertility treatment by our GP. We were so excited on the morning of the appointment, it felt like such a special day! Children are something we've talked about a lot since we got married, so actually putting plans in motion to make that a reality are really exciting.
In this initial appointment they discuss what you want from fertility treatment, costs, and your health/medical history. The process is also explained in brief, with lots of written information given to you to read later.
We will go into the process in more detail in later posts, but in very basic terms, the process involves daily hormone injections or a nasal spray to supress the monthly hormone cycle, followed by boosting the egg supply with a daily injection of FSH (Follicle Stimulating Hormone) for ten days, eggs are then collected, fertilised by donor sperm, and implanted back into the mother to be.
We are aiming to egg share as part of our IVF - meaning then when our eggs are collected for fertilisation, we donate some to an anonymous couple who need eggs. We get our costs reduced for doing this, and also like the idea of helping a couple to become parents. We also planned many years ago, that as L would carry any children that we have, we would use my eggs (called 'Reciprocal IVF' or 'partner to partner egg sharing'). This also means we will share the physical implications of conception and pregnancy.
The first stage involves blood tests that have to be taken on day 2-5 of your period, followed by ultrasound, and internal scans of the womb and ovaries. The blood tests check for HIV, Hep B & C, that you are immune to rubella, and to measure fertility hormones FSH and LH (luteinizing hormone).
I had my blood test first, and L collected the results a few days later.
To our surprise, my FHS levels were high - too high to be allowed to egg share. We were originally really shocked by this, and found it really upsetting.
Following a scan that showed I also have polycystic ovaries, we had to pay for a further blood test to show my AMH (anti mullerian hormone) levels, which we are still waiting for the results of.
Although initially upsetting, like most things in life, we looked on the bright side. At least we are both women, so have L's eggs to use instead! We still aren't sure whether we can use my eggs, and are waiting for further instruction from our consultant on this, but it looks unlikely. We are also now looking into a private clinic, as they seem to be much less concerned by my polycystic ovaries and high FSH levels, and would also treat us much quicker.
Although it may not be via our original plan, things look hopeful for us, as L's results were all of normal levels. I was at first a little apprehensive that my mum would be upset by us being unable to use my eggs, as I wasn't carrying either, but she assured me completely to the contrary, which was a relief. We know many couples, both lesbian and heterosexual where one partner isn't biologically linked to the child, and it could not matter less. We think of both mums in the lesbian couples we know as completely equal mothers to their child/children, regardless of biological involvement. As a friend pointed out to me, many things in life make you a mother, an egg is not one of those things.
As neither of us have been in a heterosexual relationship, and so have never had to consider birth control, we both assumed we were healthy, fertile women - we didn't expect fertility problems, and its surprised me how many women do have trouble conceiving.
In my new job, a fellow (heterosexual) colleague is recently pregnant following a difficult IVF journey, and the bitterness of feeling let down by her body is still raw, and very evident. We have had many a conversation around IVF, joined by a woman from a neighbouring department also in the early stages of IVF, and it makes me a little sad to see how her very much wanted pregnancy is still overshadowed by the trauma of IVF.
L and I both made a promise after our first appointment to enjoy every stage of this journey. We know it won't always be easy, but are firm believers that everything happens for our reason - even if the reasons are not apparent at the time.
Despite our setbacks we are still so excited to be embarking on this journey - and we can't wait to be mummy and mommy!"