'So are you a lesbian or what?!: How femmes face judgement too! #IDAHO
About a month ago, I was sitting in the most private part of a youth hostel that I could find (I know right) typing away at my last blog entry, and I was having a hard time being left alone. I had to explain to a few people what I was doing, which was fine. Asking someone what they are doing and showing an interest is general conversation, which is 100% socially acceptable, but I just really wanted to be left alone so I could finish up and crack on with the gin. But unfortunately, my habit of being honest in general life led to an explosion of irritating overexcited curiosity when the young men in question found out I was writing for a lipstick lesbian dating website. I may as well have flicked my hair, sighed, licked a delicious something off my fingers, pushed my laptop away and said 'd'you know, I am SO in the mood for a threesome. And actually, I have a Kate Upton lookalike watching porn in the sex dungeon here getting herself ready and waiting for me- d'you want to join in? I have a video camera and a corset on and a fuck off huge dildo and everything...'
What mostly vexed me was the tone of voice they used. It was condescending, mocking, superior and irritating. 'You don't look like a lesbian, therefore you can't be one' it said. 'I know you better than you. Why do you care about gay rights if you aren't gay? Maybe you are a closet lesbian or some shit.' But what really vexed me was the irony- I was at that moment writing an article that touched on respecting people's privacy, when my personal space was completely invaded and some guy demanded 'so are you a lesbian or what?'
To me, it seemed an apt microcosm of the attitude facing LGBT people- the questioning, the excitement, and the assumption that we have to expose intimate details of our lives to every Tom, Dick or Harry at any given moment on any given day. Straight people just aren't subject to intense scrutiny about their sexual awakening in the same way that LBGT people are, and that just isn't fair. Apparently it's fair game to question 'who gives' and 'who receives' and all that that entails in a male homosexual relationship, when it would be rude to intrusively ask a straight couple how long they perform oral sex on each other for and how much lube they get through a week (which it is. That's very rude.) It's okay to giggle and ask someone 'when they first knew' they were gay, even though asking a lady when the first time she woke up all hot, horny and confused from a sex dream about a man or the first time she had confusing feelings and maybe even a cheeky fiddle about Peter from the school bus is rude and just wouldn't even happen, and essentially, that's the same question.
So, just to help the community out a little bit, I've decided to re-clarify a few things for all those people out there getting all confused about information that they have a right to access, and information that they don't. Topically, Party Manifestos are a-okay to assume you can read; in fact, I'd encourage anybody to read them - it's FAB to stay informed, plus then you get to watch the election debates and see all the witty put downs and snipes and awkward group hugs that not everybody is invited to. But asking a lesbian if she uses strap ons? Not so much. That's Private, which as a friendly reminder, is the opposite to Public. But you have completely unlimited access sans moral dilemma to bus timetables! I know it's hard to build a sexual fantasy from information a bus timetable can give you, but isn't that just life. Thinking of overtly staring at two kissing lesbians or asking a lesbian lady you just met if you can watch? Kudos for asking permission because you're sort of on the right lines, but STOP. Someone else's sex life - even if it's percentage of same sex relations is different to yours - isn't the same as The Couch to 5k NHS podcast or LivriBox recordings - it ISN'T in the public domain! Not like literally everything in a public library (which I implore anybody who asks questions like that to take advantage of.) This is simply not public information. And that is a fact.
So that's clear? Great. Now, on with the gin.